Howling in Wonderland

Howling in Wonderland
(Inspired by the movie Kill Your Darlings)

by Chris Biles

Tonight is one of those nights
when every star at the edge
of your vision shoots
but then decides to stop
the moment your eyes catch up.
The puppet master tricks
your senses into questioning
the beginnings, leaving
the endings unfulfilled.
I can’t live with your sense
of longing anymore, your hesitancy,
double-sided confusion.
You’ve always been a candle
burning at both ends,
and it’s beautiful, but I can’t
be the person you want
me to be, the person you think
I am, the flare of a sparked match.
I have my own puppeteer,
and right now all sounds
cease but for the slow hiss
of his exhalations.
You once asked “what is life
but a world on fire?”
Well, I stole the boat
and it was tremendous,
a wet world of encompassing
starlight. Together we have only
guessed at beginnings, failing
to find the ends, but out on that ocean
I saw the fading of every shooting
star, and some things, once
you love them, become doors forever.

I’ve hit the universe
and there’s no turning back.

I am living this beautiful ending,
opening a door that will circle
back and become a part of me.
One day you’ll realize the most
important thing I ever did for you
was to fail you, to provide an end,
finally fulfilled. You’ll thank me
because to be reborn
you have to die first, and then,
and only then, can you love,
can you open a door upon a sky
that waits for you, and then,
and only then, can you feel infinite.
Then, and only then, can you
truly howl in a wonderland.

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